[MeganC]

Vladimir Putin Visits a School One Day

And he gives a lecture about how great the government is, and how Russia is the best country in the world.
At the end of the lecture he invites people to ask questions and one kid stands up and says:

“Hello my name is Sasha and I have two questions”

Putin: “go ahead”

Sasha: “Why did Russia invade Ukraine? And why haven’t we won the war yet?”

At that moment the bell rang and everyone went to lunch.
At the end of lunch the Q&A continued and another kid stood up

“My name is Boris and I have four questions”

Putin: “Yes?”

Boris: “Why did Russia invade Ukraine? Why haven’t we won the war yet? Why was the lunch bell 20 minutes early and where is Sasha?”

[MeganC]

What did the Russian billionaire say when checking in at a hotel?

I'd like a room on the first floor, please.

[MeganC]

Jokes about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.

[MeganC]

Every day in Moscow, same. Man buy newspaper, look front, throw in trash.

Newspaper seller ask one day, "Why you do that? Why you not read inside newspaper?"

Man respond, "I check obituary"

"But obituary not on front page. Is on back page"

"Putin obituary be on front page"

[DrCaleb]

A racist man called me a terrorist for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.

Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.

[DrCaleb]

What is the difference between USA and USB?

One connects to your computer and accesses all your data, the other is an industry standard.

[DrCaleb]

Why was Darth Vader referred to as Lord Vader?

Because "Master Vader" made the stormtroopers giggle.

[DrCaleb]

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The cashier says, "You must be single." The man answered, “Wow, how did you know that?”

The cashier replied, “Because you’re really ugly.”

[DrCaleb]

What’s the difference between a $20.00 steak and a $55.00 steak?

Valentine’s Day.

[DrCaleb]

Why did Saskatchewan get all the nuclear waste and Ontario get all the lawyers?


Saskatchewan got to pick first.

[Strutz]

DrCaleb DrCaleb:

What’s the difference between a $20.00 steak and a $55.00 steak?

Valentine’s Day.

Pretty much true.

Tomorrow all those chocolate goodies unsold will be 50% off.

[DrCaleb]

A man with dementia walks into a bar.

He spots a pretty lady, sits next to her and asks, "So, do I come here often?"

[DrCaleb]

My girlfriend’s dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.

She was livid. “What am I going to do with two dead dogs?”

[DrCaleb]

Why don't blind people Bungie jump?

Because it scares the shit outta the dog.

[DrCaleb]

Air used to be free at the gas station, now it’s $1. You know why?



Inflation.