[newfette]

But I'm posting this on all the forums I frequent to see what comes of it

so I get a text from my ex (the one who cheated on me and knocked up another girl) asking for my help. apparently she's trying to take the kid away from him and he wants a character statement from me to say that he was never violent with me (apparently that's what shes claiming)

I asked him what did he want me to day that he wasn't violent but he was stoned all the time and he said go ahead that he's clean and would pass a drug test now...

on the one hand I think why should I help someone who cheated on me and treated me like sh!t the whole time, but on the other hand I know how much it hurt him when he lost his first daughter...


and I'm really torn on this issue... just curious as to what you guy think...

[newfette]

and just for the record its a matter of writing something that could help him or not writing anything at all. I would never write anything that was bitter or intended to hurt him.

[DerbyX]

You don't owe him anything. There is nothing more despicable or lower then cheating on the persons you love.

If he treated you like shit then chances are he treated the other girl like shit.

Tell him "you reap what you sow" and then wave bye-bye.

[hurley_108]

This is how I see it. Write the truth. Of course you would anyways, but just write the truth. Seems like you think the truth would help him, and I'm sure his daughter's life would be better with him in it than without, so I'd say write up the truth, and give it to him, for his daughter's sake, if nobody else's.

[Ripcat]

First talk to a lawyer about what could happen if you do provide a statement. You could end up being called to testify in court. The woman's lawyer isn't going to ask you nice questions.

[novachick]

Personally I'd just leave it alone Newf. That he wasn't violent with you doesn't mean he isn't/ wasn't violent with her. People react differently to different people. Ask yourself if there's the possibility he harmed her would you still feel compelled to help him. Unless you have the ability to verify there are not any police reports regarding this ( which you can't ) I'd walk away and leave it to the courts to handle.

[-Mario-]

That is a tough one.

IF he going to court with this??? ONLY if he is -> write it the way it is.

- If he ever abused you (physical or psychological)
- Was stone a lot and the drug he was taking (there is a big difference between pot, mesqualine or Meth.)
- How you two split up

Writh the thruth and stick to facts only.

[Yogi]

I went through the exact same situation with my first marriage so I can speak from experience.
He is only USING YOU AGAIN and he can only do so if you let him. Let the bastard suffer!

[BartSimpson]

DerbyX DerbyX:

You don't owe him anything. There is nothing more despicable or lower then cheating on the persons you love.

If he treated you like shit then chances are he treated the other girl like shit.

Tell him "you reap what you sow" and then wave bye-bye.

Well said.

[CapeApe]

Curious as to how old the daughter is...is she old enough to make a statement on her own behalf..
If not follow your heart...it won't let you down....

[newfette]

there have been a lot of valid points here.. and I know its not something I'm going to decide in an hour or so...

my gut feeling is not to do it. we were together for 2 years and he was a completely different person in the beginning than he was at the end. and while I know drugs played a BIG part in that I don't know who he is now or who was with her. I don't know what his parenting skills or if he even has any...

[wildrosegirl]

I wouldn't get in the middle of that. You never know what kind of a person he is now, or what kind of parent.

He didn't ask for your help getting involved with her, why should he ask you for help getting out?

He's a big boy. Let him clean up his own mess.

[newfette]

CapeApe CapeApe:

Curious as to how old the daughter is...is she old enough to make a statement on her own behalf..
If not follow your heart...it won't let you down....

well I left him two years ago, a year for the pregnancy so I say the kids just over a year old

[-Mario-]

newfette newfette:

there have been a lot of valid points here.. and I know its not something I'm going to decide in an hour or so...

my gut feeling is not to do it. we were together for 2 years and he was a completely different person in the beginning than he was at the end. and while I know drugs played a BIG part in that I don't know who he is now or who was with her. I don't know what his parenting skills or if he even has any...

any parent on drugs is a *fucking bad influence*.. a poor example. Most (not all) kids will experiment with drugs as some point. At his age, the experiment is over.. he's hooked.

SOrry about all your trouble. The gut feeling is alway right. I know that I was being the devils advocate earlier, but if you read between the lines, you will see that I wanted you to write it the way it is (IF you were gonna write) -> not physically abusive to you, but drug user.

Good luck
-Mario-

[novachick]

newfette newfette:

there have been a lot of valid points here.. and I know its not something I'm going to decide in an hour or so...

my gut feeling is not to do it. we were together for 2 years and he was a completely different person in the beginning than he was at the end. and while I know drugs played a BIG part in that I don't know who he is now or who was with her. I don't know what his parenting skills or if he even has any...

Go with your gut. When your gut tells you something is not quite right. RUN, don't walk away from it. Don't waste time trying to figure it out, don't talk it out, just get the fuck away from it.