[fatbasturd]

Five reasons to hate Alberta

>> A political refugee presents a handy guide to Conservative bull



by MATTHEW HAYS

As it turns out, much of our new government, led by Stephen Harper, hails from Alberta. And this means, according to Harper, that the West is now “in.” But not all appears quite so rosy for the Conservative Party: despite a stumbling, scandal-ridden campaign, the Liberals still managed to pick up over 100 seats in Parliament, suggesting that there remains deep-seated fear, especially among urban dwellers, about what the Conservatives might do to Canada. Now, you might argue that it’s irresponsible to start fear-mongering and fanning the flames of regional hatred after such a divisive election. But we feel it would be irresponsible (not to mention dishonest) to try to claim that we ever aspired to be responsible in the first place. So here are our reasons for hating Alberta and not trusting a government that will be led by them.

1) That bogus “West wants in” garbage Okay, so let’s put a stop to this right now. It was Preston Manning who first coined the phrase, “The West wants in,” insinuating that the West had somehow been shut out of federal influence since the beginning of time. This is nonsense. The last two Liberal governments had a number of prominent cabinet members from B.C. (though only one from Alberta). And though Joe Clark didn’t last long as Prime Minister, he and a number of other MPs from the West served in Mulroney’s cabinet. What’s more, even during the Liberal reign of the past 12 years, ideas hatched by Manning were appropriated by the ruling Liberal Party as a way of undercutting growing Reform popularity. Many of the massive cuts made to government institutions were lifted directly from Reform Party policy books, for instance drastic cuts to the CBC. Alberta and other Western fiscal conservatives were already having their way, long before Jan. 23.

2) Albertans as besieged underdog victims Having grown up in Alberta, I recall hearing no end of bitching about how Quebecers were a bunch of whiners. Now we’re stuck hearing Albertans talk about how they’ve been getting the short end of the stick all these years. Come again? For Christ’s sake, Alberta is rolling in money due to the skyrocketing price of oil, so much so that Ralph Klein recently sent a $400 cheque to every Albertan citizen (God forbid the money should have gone to hospitals, schools or affordable housing—Klein sensibly felt that an iPod or plasma TV fund for individual Albertans should take precedence). Given this astonishing economic growth, Albertans rate as the biggest whiners in the universe.

3) People who vote Liberal in the East are sheep During the campaign, the CBC’s Mark Kelley captured one Albertan admonishing those in Ontario who consistently supported the Liberals, labelling these voters as “sheep.” This is rich, coming from Alberta, where Klein has reigned for years. These are hardly a politically sophisticated group of voters—a politician could stink to high heaven, but no matter, as long as they’re conservative.

4) People should learn how to manage money better, just like Alberta That same CBC report also had Albertans insisting people in other parts of the country should take them as some sort of example to follow. Albertans have paid off their debt due to no special talent or skill, but rather because they’re sitting on a huge supply of oil. Their line is tantamount to someone winning the lottery and then claiming that their millionaire status is due to hard work and ingenuity. As for money management, please see their dismal record during past recessions. They have failed to adequately diversify their economy, making them entirely beholden to international oil prices. This is not sound management.

5) That morality bullshit Albertans get their tits tied in a knot about same-sex marriage, but their provincial government has embraced gambling as a means of increasing revenue, Klein sent a letter of support to Bush cheerleading for the war on Iraq, and there was little public outcry when Klein was caught, drunk, throwing money at a group of homeless people, telling them to “get a job.” Er… what religion are you guys following, anyway?

Silver Lining: Now that Alberta is in the top spot, Klein can no longer blame the feds for all of Alberta’s woes. And I see a mending of that urban-rural rift—after all, every urban dweller I know is now planning on buying rural property, along with large amounts of canned food and a shotgun.

[Mr_Canada old]

I agree, the excessive conservatism here is maddening.

[Blue_Nose]

There's absolutely nothing good to come from this.

[fatbasturd]

How about this then

[Arctic_Menace]

I'm waiting for the Albertans to show up and start cringing and shouting about this. Lemme get my popcorn...

[Mr_Canada old]

Arctic_Menace Arctic_Menace:

I'm waiting for the Albertans to show up and start cringing and shouting about this. Lemme get my popcorn...

Get one for me please.

[fatbasturd]

I wonder if the good old boys like R.C. Snelgrove and J.J. Maloney will show up?

[RUEZ]

Oh well, you (edited by censor) can't (edited by censor) when people complain about the welfare (edited by censor) on the east coast. Maybe i'll see if I can find some things to disparage certain east coast provnces, shouldn't be hard.

Edited by your friendly moderator -Mario- for offensive content

[fatbasturd]

I am holding up my middle finger for you

[RUEZ]

fatbasturd fatbasturd:

I am holding up my middle finger for you

By all means put it back up your (edited by censor) where you found it.


WTF is this, someone doing a little editing now? Blink? WTF is that supposed to be?

[fatbasturd]

would you like a kleenex

[Blue_Nose]

$1:

Edited by your friendly moderator -Mario- for offensive content

this whole thread is offensive content...

[RUEZ]

Blue_Nose Blue_Nose:

$1:

Edited by your friendly moderator -Mario- for offensive content

this whole thread is offensive content...

He had better edit every damn post now if he's going to edit mine for content. This is BS. FU

[Tricks]

Was RUEZ just censored? This doesn't bode well...

[-Mario-]

I am trying a different approach to minimise the personnal attack. I am just removing the swear words.