1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview
2. Your orgasms are real. Always.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves
.6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is just too icky.
11. Same work... more pay.
12. Wrinkles add character.
13. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
14. Wedding Dress: $2000; Tux rental: $100
15. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
16. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
17. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
18. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
19. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
20. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
21. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
22. One mood, ALL the damn time.
23. You know stuff about tanks.
24. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
25. You can open all your own jars.
26. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
27. You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
28. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
29. You can kill your own food.
30. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
33. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
34. Everything on your face stays its original color.
35. You never feel the need to wash your underwear because they are"slightly soiled," you just throw them in the dirty clothes with everything else.
36. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
37. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
38. You don't have to clean the apartment if the maid is coming.
39. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
40. No maxi-pads or tampons.
41. You don't mooch off other's desserts.
42. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
43. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
44. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
45. You don't have to stop & think which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
46. You almost never have strap problems in public.
47. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
48. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
49. You don't have to shave below your neck.
50. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
51. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
52. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
53. You have the freedom of choice concerning growing facial hair.
54. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes
55. The world is your urinal.
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